trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
