Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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