I want to have your abortion
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
