So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
