Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize