I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
