Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
