We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
