i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
