i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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