A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
