we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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