fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
