what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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