I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
