Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
