Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
