ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
