Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
