i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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