I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
