dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
