The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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