Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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