Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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