My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
