I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
