Tell her she can't have a vagina
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize