you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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