Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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