there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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