I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
