wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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