I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
