i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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