My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize