It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Floor bacon is actually really good
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
