She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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