I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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