end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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