nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
