I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
