i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize