Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
