Pants 0. Shit 1.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
