he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My feet surprised me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
