i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
