hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
