I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize