...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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