Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
