by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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