Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
