Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
