she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I believe in your delicious
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
