I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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