Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
