you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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