Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
