At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
