anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
