Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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