So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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