we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
