Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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